After the move
The first 30 days: what to expect (and when to worry)
If you've just moved Mum or Dad in and your heart is breaking, please know this is the hardest part and it usually gets better. The first weeks are an adjustment for everyone. Here's what's normal, how to help them settle, and how to tell ordinary settling-in from something you should act on.
The most important thing: the "adjustment dip" is real. The first two to six weeks are often the worst, then most people settle. Try not to make a permanent decision at the low point — give it about four to six weeks unless you see genuine red flags.
Normal — give it time
- ✓Sadness, tearfulness, or saying "take me home"
- ✓Confusion or disorientation in the new place, especially with dementia
- ✓Anger or blame directed at you — it's the situation, not really you
- ✓Eating or sleeping less for a week or two
- ✓Wanting you to visit constantly, then settling as routines form
Red flags — act on these
- !Unexplained bruises, injuries or falls that aren't explained to you
- !Rapid weight loss, dehydration, or looking unwashed / left in soiled clothing
- !Medication errors, or being heavily sedated when they weren't before
- !Staff who are dismissive, can't answer your questions, or discourage visits
- !A fast, unexplained physical or mental decline beyond normal adjustment
If something's genuinely wrong: raise it with the home in writing and ask for a care-plan review. Free help is there — the Older Persons Advocacy Network (OPAN) on 1800 700 600 advocates for you at no cost, you can complain to the ACQSC, and for suspected abuse call 1800 ELDERHelp (1800 353 374). See our advocacy & complaints guide.
Common questions
The first 30 days — your questions
My parent is begging to come home. Should I move them out?
Please don't make that decision in the first week or two if you can help it. The "adjustment dip" is real and extremely common — the first two to six weeks are often the hardest, then most people settle and many come to feel safe and cared for. Pulling someone out at the low point often means starting the whole trauma again somewhere else. Visit, comfort them, work with the staff, and give it about four to six weeks before judging. If genuine red flags appear (see below), that's different — act on those.
How can I help my parent settle in?
Make the room theirs: familiar photos, a favourite chair or blanket, their own bedding, a clock and calendar. Visit at varied times (not only the sad settling-in moments) so you see normal days. Build a relationship with the care staff — they're your allies. Attend the care-plan meeting (usually within the first few weeks) and share what matters to your parent: their routine, their likes, how they communicate. Keep visits calm and positive even when it's hard; your steadiness helps them feel safe.
How do I tell normal adjustment from a home that's failing my parent?
Normal adjustment is emotional — sadness, disorientation, wanting home — and it eases over weeks. Genuine red flags are physical and care-related: unexplained injuries, weight loss, poor hygiene, medication problems, heavy sedation, or staff who are dismissive or block your questions. Trust your instinct: if something feels wrong about the care (not just the emotion of the move), raise it immediately with the home, and escalate if needed.
What if something really is wrong?
Raise it with the home first, in writing, and ask for a care-plan review. If it isn't resolved, you have strong, free options: the Older Persons Advocacy Network (OPAN) on 1800 700 600 will advocate for you for free, and you can complain to the Aged Care Quality and Safety Commission. For suspected abuse or neglect, call the free Elder Abuse line on 1800 ELDERHelp (1800 353 374). You are allowed to be the squeaky wheel — it's your parent.